When we were young it was oft dreamed
A distant land, a language strange
But first there was so much to change:
Good friends, right choices, mistakes and pain;
All a part of growing.
When grown enough the call would come,
And off you'd go.
Sent into the world to serve
Dressed in suits of charcoal grey.
Illusive, frightening, across the sea
You go
And know not to look back.
There's nothing here for you right now,
Your life is for the Lord.
You'll find more than you left behind,
More than you could dream
As you learn and teach and work and live
Dressed in suits of charcoal grey.
Trials, hardships, tears will come:
Do not regret a one.
The pain will balance out the joy,
That is the Way of the Lord.
Faith, repentance, endure to the end --
You did not understand before
These best two years.
Perspective will not be the same
Dressed in suits of charcoal grey.
Give yourself away in the work of the Lord
For you were called to serve.
A calling magnified by a humble heart
Is better than numbers;
Calculated success means nothing.
Success is not good, not better, but best:
Your best, now.
You're better than you've ever been
Dressed in suits of charcoal grey.
So long, yet short those two years are
In which you make sweet memories
Of wonderful people, a beautiful land --
Home.
You will learn much, you will be reborn
When you return again.
So much potential will be reached, but more foreseen
As you serve with love
Dressed in suits of charcoal grey.
That is the reason, isn't it?
Love.
Don't ever lose that love you feel;
It will pull you through.
Contention and loneliness, pain and fear --
Those do not come from the Lord.
But love! He will pour it in, and you will give it back
Dressed in suits of charcoal grey.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
BYUSA
My roommate is very active in the BYUSA elections. She's helping with a campaign, she's getting involved, and she's actively encouraging everyone to vote. She tells us why it's important and what they can do for us; she is very supportive.
I'm glad that she is so excited about all of this and wants to get involved... but I really want to say, "Hey. Take a step back. You think I'm a crazy person to get so interested in the primaries; you laugh at my caucus parties, you groan when I spend all night watching CNN, you are baffled by my constant checking of polls and numbers and editorials. But why am I crazy to care so much about the election of the next president of the United States? Why don't you care? Why can't you have as much involvement in our country's future -- vote in your state primaries! -- as you have in BYU?"
There are so many people on this campus who care so much about the leadership here, but why, why can't they care about the country? People don't think it matters until the general election, and the general is important, very important. But the primaries are such a vital part of the general election, and no one ever pays nearly as much attention as they ought. I cannot understand. Tomorrow is potentially the biggest day of the year, even bigger than Super Tuesday. If Hillary loses she could be out -- and a general election between Barack Obama and John McCain could be one of the most interesting elections between any two candidates in the history of this country. But there are hundreds, thousands of people who don't understand or don't care.
Apathy, like agnosticism, is something I can't stand.
I'm glad that she is so excited about all of this and wants to get involved... but I really want to say, "Hey. Take a step back. You think I'm a crazy person to get so interested in the primaries; you laugh at my caucus parties, you groan when I spend all night watching CNN, you are baffled by my constant checking of polls and numbers and editorials. But why am I crazy to care so much about the election of the next president of the United States? Why don't you care? Why can't you have as much involvement in our country's future -- vote in your state primaries! -- as you have in BYU?"
There are so many people on this campus who care so much about the leadership here, but why, why can't they care about the country? People don't think it matters until the general election, and the general is important, very important. But the primaries are such a vital part of the general election, and no one ever pays nearly as much attention as they ought. I cannot understand. Tomorrow is potentially the biggest day of the year, even bigger than Super Tuesday. If Hillary loses she could be out -- and a general election between Barack Obama and John McCain could be one of the most interesting elections between any two candidates in the history of this country. But there are hundreds, thousands of people who don't understand or don't care.
Apathy, like agnosticism, is something I can't stand.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
To You
I went to Todd and Allison's for dinner tonight. My uncle Mark was there too; he's in Salt Lake for business. Of all my uncles, I've never felt very close to Mark. Our personalities are quite different, and sometimes he made me uncomfortable with all of his outgoing craziness. But tonight was different. I felt like I could confide in him. I could tell him what I disliked about Utah: the weather, the bubble, the lack of diversity. He told me about work and we watched youtube. And when he drove me back to Provo it wasn't weird at all; no awkward pauses, no uncomfortable stares. We talked about church things as though he were still active. I would have told him about you if he'd asked. And he said he's writing a novel set in Utah.
As he explained his novel to me in the car, driving down Provo canyon in the dark and the snow, I realized he is a lot like me. He's gone through some really hard things, and it seems that he tries to work them out through the novel. I don't think he does it intentionally, and it isn't why he started writing. But some of the experiences in his life -- memorable experiences, hard experiences -- are placed in his book, and I don't think they're chosen at random. My family has so much potential but also has a lot of hurt. So many difficulties I never realized that don't seem fair. But maybe it's because they are so great. We are not given trials too much for us to bear. Maybe we are capable of bearing a lot. We have.
Maybe that's part of the reason I connect well with them. I was sitting on the couch next to Mark, totally comfortable just being there with these people I love. I love them because they are intelligent. I love them because they are funny. I love them because they are kind and genuine and they care about the world. But I must also love them because they suffer. I empathize with them. When they struggle, I do too. I can feel their pain. And no matter what they do, no matter how many mistakes they make, I will still love them. Because they are my family. And even though I feel like everyone has left me, all my friends and all the people I trust, I still have my family. I will always love them and they will always love me. I can talk to them about everything. School and work and church and friends. My loneliness. My pain. Everything. I am loved. I am not alone. I will always have my family.
As he explained his novel to me in the car, driving down Provo canyon in the dark and the snow, I realized he is a lot like me. He's gone through some really hard things, and it seems that he tries to work them out through the novel. I don't think he does it intentionally, and it isn't why he started writing. But some of the experiences in his life -- memorable experiences, hard experiences -- are placed in his book, and I don't think they're chosen at random. My family has so much potential but also has a lot of hurt. So many difficulties I never realized that don't seem fair. But maybe it's because they are so great. We are not given trials too much for us to bear. Maybe we are capable of bearing a lot. We have.
Maybe that's part of the reason I connect well with them. I was sitting on the couch next to Mark, totally comfortable just being there with these people I love. I love them because they are intelligent. I love them because they are funny. I love them because they are kind and genuine and they care about the world. But I must also love them because they suffer. I empathize with them. When they struggle, I do too. I can feel their pain. And no matter what they do, no matter how many mistakes they make, I will still love them. Because they are my family. And even though I feel like everyone has left me, all my friends and all the people I trust, I still have my family. I will always love them and they will always love me. I can talk to them about everything. School and work and church and friends. My loneliness. My pain. Everything. I am loved. I am not alone. I will always have my family.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
independence
I wonder if we are ever totally satisfied with who we are and what we are doing.
I'm about to begin my fourth semester at Brigham Young University. I am sitting on my couch in the apartment; the heat is at 74 and Jamie is doing laundry (again). I've had mixed feelings about this semester. My roommate is off to Spain, so I'm living with someone I have never met. My work and school schedules don't quite fit as I'd like them to, and I have to give up some things that are important to me to make it work. I despise the cold weather. My family is far away, again, and that is always hard for me. And all of my boys have been leaving slowly for the past six months, the last of which will head out in 10 days. That has been rough, and sometimes I haven't handled it well. I did a lot of crying my last week at home, and told my dad I didn't want to come back. And yet, I am at peace here.
I like school. I like learning things, and I love my English Language classes. They help me accept my nerdiness, of which I have an abundance. I like being busy. Sometimes it's nice to just sit and relax, but if I had too much free time I would not be happy. Plus, I work better under pressure with too much to do. I like the people I have met. In my classes, my apartment, my neighbors, old friends, professors. They have all helped me in some small way to define my self. And as much as I miss my family, I like living by myself. I like choosing how I spend my time and organizing my own schedule and being accountable to me. Independence. Eventual self-reliance.
I realized on the flight out here that I have changed more than I imagined. People always talk about changing so much at college, but after 3.5 semesters, I didn't feel like I had. I felt the same to me. I think maybe I'm just becoming more of my self; I'm learning how to be comfortable with who I am and the way my life is going. I do what I have to do, and I get satisfaction from knowing that I have done my best. I know that some things are going to be really, really hard, and that sometimes I will have to be completely on my own -- a scary thought for me. But I think I can do it now. I never had enough confidence in myself before. I'm growing up, something I never wanted to do. But it's not so bad. I'm better at it than I ever thought I would be.
Things will work out.
I'm about to begin my fourth semester at Brigham Young University. I am sitting on my couch in the apartment; the heat is at 74 and Jamie is doing laundry (again). I've had mixed feelings about this semester. My roommate is off to Spain, so I'm living with someone I have never met. My work and school schedules don't quite fit as I'd like them to, and I have to give up some things that are important to me to make it work. I despise the cold weather. My family is far away, again, and that is always hard for me. And all of my boys have been leaving slowly for the past six months, the last of which will head out in 10 days. That has been rough, and sometimes I haven't handled it well. I did a lot of crying my last week at home, and told my dad I didn't want to come back. And yet, I am at peace here.
I like school. I like learning things, and I love my English Language classes. They help me accept my nerdiness, of which I have an abundance. I like being busy. Sometimes it's nice to just sit and relax, but if I had too much free time I would not be happy. Plus, I work better under pressure with too much to do. I like the people I have met. In my classes, my apartment, my neighbors, old friends, professors. They have all helped me in some small way to define my self. And as much as I miss my family, I like living by myself. I like choosing how I spend my time and organizing my own schedule and being accountable to me. Independence. Eventual self-reliance.
I realized on the flight out here that I have changed more than I imagined. People always talk about changing so much at college, but after 3.5 semesters, I didn't feel like I had. I felt the same to me. I think maybe I'm just becoming more of my self; I'm learning how to be comfortable with who I am and the way my life is going. I do what I have to do, and I get satisfaction from knowing that I have done my best. I know that some things are going to be really, really hard, and that sometimes I will have to be completely on my own -- a scary thought for me. But I think I can do it now. I never had enough confidence in myself before. I'm growing up, something I never wanted to do. But it's not so bad. I'm better at it than I ever thought I would be.
Things will work out.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
thank you
...Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. "Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."
Christmas is, just as much as Thanksgiving, a time for gratitude.
I am so thankful for:
- My parents, who expect me to always do my best.
- Megan, who thinks I'm much better than I truly am.
- Tanner, who willingly discusses any intelligent subject for any length of time.
- Jessica, who loves me, always.
- My grandparents, who teach more than they realize.
- Uncle Michael, who is truly my friend.
- Aunt Lisa, who is always positive.
- Uncle Todd and Aunt Allison, who take care of me while away from home.
- Uncle Brad, who is always kind.
- Jared, my cousin, who is happily bribed into friendship.
- Abby, who has already mastered the Mitton humor.
- Desiree, who cannot imagine how much I respect her.
- Christian, who is always smiling.
- James Grant, my oldest friend.
- Veronica Gomes, my best friend.
- Abby Spackman, who has put up with more from me than anyone outside my family.
- Andy Fererra, who has never let me down.
- Mary Houghton, my favorite roommate, and my sounding board.
- Christian Lobo, who constantly challenges me to do better and pulls me back to reality.
- Mrs. Simpkins and her joy in us.
- Mrs. Roeding and her love of reading.
- Mrs. Fickes and her style.
- Mr. Malone and his willingness to be a teacher, mentor, and friend.
- Mr. Thompson and his ability to think critically and ask real questions.
- Mr. Hill and his desire to explore uncertainty while holding onto sound convictions.
- Lori Dalrymple and her smile.
- Debra Stewart and her love for my family and me.
- Eva Gomes, the best role model for any young woman.
- Barbara Stevens and her joyful laugh.
- Laura Smith and her strong spirit.
- Mary Lyn Westenhaver, our closest Young Women's advisor.
But mostly, I am thankful for my Savior Jesus Christ. He loved me enough to suffer for my sins, to feel my fears and loneliness, my immense physical pain. He knows me better than anyone else ever will, and I am so thankful for the hope that He brings into my life. Through Him I can find peace. Because of Him, we can have joy.
Christmas is, just as much as Thanksgiving, a time for gratitude.
I am so thankful for:
- My parents, who expect me to always do my best.
- Megan, who thinks I'm much better than I truly am.
- Tanner, who willingly discusses any intelligent subject for any length of time.
- Jessica, who loves me, always.
- My grandparents, who teach more than they realize.
- Uncle Michael, who is truly my friend.
- Aunt Lisa, who is always positive.
- Uncle Todd and Aunt Allison, who take care of me while away from home.
- Uncle Brad, who is always kind.
- Jared, my cousin, who is happily bribed into friendship.
- Abby, who has already mastered the Mitton humor.
- Desiree, who cannot imagine how much I respect her.
- Christian, who is always smiling.
- James Grant, my oldest friend.
- Veronica Gomes, my best friend.
- Abby Spackman, who has put up with more from me than anyone outside my family.
- Andy Fererra, who has never let me down.
- Mary Houghton, my favorite roommate, and my sounding board.
- Christian Lobo, who constantly challenges me to do better and pulls me back to reality.
- Mrs. Simpkins and her joy in us.
- Mrs. Roeding and her love of reading.
- Mrs. Fickes and her style.
- Mr. Malone and his willingness to be a teacher, mentor, and friend.
- Mr. Thompson and his ability to think critically and ask real questions.
- Mr. Hill and his desire to explore uncertainty while holding onto sound convictions.
- Lori Dalrymple and her smile.
- Debra Stewart and her love for my family and me.
- Eva Gomes, the best role model for any young woman.
- Barbara Stevens and her joyful laugh.
- Laura Smith and her strong spirit.
- Mary Lyn Westenhaver, our closest Young Women's advisor.
But mostly, I am thankful for my Savior Jesus Christ. He loved me enough to suffer for my sins, to feel my fears and loneliness, my immense physical pain. He knows me better than anyone else ever will, and I am so thankful for the hope that He brings into my life. Through Him I can find peace. Because of Him, we can have joy.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Christmas ridiculousness
Question. Why do moms stress out about Christmas?
I went to a bridal shower with my mother this morning and the majority of the talk (except for the wedding conversation) was Christmas: shopping, baking, cleaning, decorating, music, Santa, family.... and apparently, the general consensus among mothers is that Christmas is the most stressful time of the year, and they will never be as prepared as they would like.
I don't understand this. You have your list of people you buy presents for: check. You have your list of people you take plates of cookies to, and of course some for yourselves: check. You shouldn't have to clean any more or less than the rest of the year: check. Decorating can be fun if you don't go overboard; the tree is a must, but then it's only as stressful as you make it: check. Music is also up to your own discretion, just get out the Christmas CDs that you like and they're available for the season: check. Santa comes for the kids, all he asks in return is some of the cookies you've already baked: check. Family is great, and (in theory) the best part of Christmas, so why do extra relatives create issues? Maybe it's just a mom thing. But the holidays shouldn't be a stressful time, they should be enjoyable. People get so caught up in all the materialism (and not just "I want [blank]" but the food and decorations and Santa and specific traditions, etc) that they forget that Christmas is a time for family and gratitude and love.
So. When I finally am a mother (in another ten years) I will not fall into the stress trap. I will enjoy Christmas like I've always enjoyed Christmas. I refuse to become a crazy woman who panics because she didn't make a certain kind of cookie or didn't get out a certain Nativity Scene. That's just ridiculous.
I went to a bridal shower with my mother this morning and the majority of the talk (except for the wedding conversation) was Christmas: shopping, baking, cleaning, decorating, music, Santa, family.... and apparently, the general consensus among mothers is that Christmas is the most stressful time of the year, and they will never be as prepared as they would like.
I don't understand this. You have your list of people you buy presents for: check. You have your list of people you take plates of cookies to, and of course some for yourselves: check. You shouldn't have to clean any more or less than the rest of the year: check. Decorating can be fun if you don't go overboard; the tree is a must, but then it's only as stressful as you make it: check. Music is also up to your own discretion, just get out the Christmas CDs that you like and they're available for the season: check. Santa comes for the kids, all he asks in return is some of the cookies you've already baked: check. Family is great, and (in theory) the best part of Christmas, so why do extra relatives create issues? Maybe it's just a mom thing. But the holidays shouldn't be a stressful time, they should be enjoyable. People get so caught up in all the materialism (and not just "I want [blank]" but the food and decorations and Santa and specific traditions, etc) that they forget that Christmas is a time for family and gratitude and love.
So. When I finally am a mother (in another ten years) I will not fall into the stress trap. I will enjoy Christmas like I've always enjoyed Christmas. I refuse to become a crazy woman who panics because she didn't make a certain kind of cookie or didn't get out a certain Nativity Scene. That's just ridiculous.
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